The What Ifs of Toushiro Hitsugaya
by TwinsOfTheDesert
Summary: Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Hitsugaya...? Read and Review!
1. Acting His Age

_What if Hitsugaya started to act his (physical) age_

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"Matsumoto!" barked Captain Hitsugaya from behind a stack of papers on his desk.

"Yes, Captain?" asked Matsumoto.

"I need you to get something for me," he replied.

"What do you need, Captain?" inquired Matsumoto, although she already had a good idea where this was going.

"More candy," Hitsugaya responded seriously, "we ran out again."

"Ah, but Captain," complained Matsumoto, "you just bought more candy this morning. At this rate, not only will you make Squad 10 go broke but you'll also get cavities... lots of them."

"How do you expect me to work in these conditions?!" snapped Hitsugaya irritably.

Sighing, Matsumoto resigned herself to go buy more candy. They had gotten into this argument in the past and in the end, after a few temper tantrums, Hitsugaya had always gotten his way.

'What I wouldn't do for some sake." Matsumoto thought sadly. Unfortunately, due to Captain Hitsugaya's young age, Head Captain Yamamoto decided to forbid the consumption of any alcohol within all of Squad 10, which included Matsumoto. Such behavior would be a bad influence on such a "young, innocent, and developing mind."

'What he should have forbid,' thought Matsumoto, now returning from the store, 'was the consumption of junk food.'

Walking into the Captain's office, Matsumoto set the bag of candy down and walked up to Hitsugaya's desk.

"Captian?" she asked when she heard nothing from behind the papers.

When she got no response, Matsumoto decided to glace behind the stacks. There, with his head rested comfortably on his arms, was her Captain, napping. Matsumoto smiled despite herself, that is until she slid the paperwork he had been working on out from under his arms.

"CAPTAIN!" cried Matsumoto, startling the sleeping Hitsugaya awake and angrily shaking the papers in his face, "I can't believe this is all you've been doing!!"

"What?" Hitsugaya asked in confusion, he had thought his drawings were very nice, much better than the boring papers that Matsumoto always turned in.

**

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****A(s)/N – REVIEW!! Oh, and if you have any good "What if..." ideas you're welcome suggest them and if I like them I'll try to use them. Anyway, there's lots more "What if..."s to come so COME BACK... and review.**


	2. Yachiru was his Assistant

_What if Hitsugaya's assistant captain was Yachiru?_

"Go that way, Shiro!" Yachiru cried confidently.

"Are you sure?" asked Hitsugaya uncertainly, "It feels like the enemies are the other way.

"W-Wha..." sniffed Yachiru sadly, "You don't believe in me...?"

"Ah!" exclaimed Hitsugaya in panic, not wanting his young(er) assistant to cry, "Of course I believe in you. We'll go this way."

A few turns later the pair found themselves at (yet another) dead end. Sighing, Hitsugaya turned around to head back the way they came, now heading in the direction that _he _had sensed the Hollows. Unfortunately, right as they were approaching another turn...

"Turn left!" ordered the pink-haired girl, "And this time don't take another wrong turn or else we'll never get there!"

"Yachiru..." sighed Hitsugaya, "I think if we went right we would get there faster."

Yachiru's lip began to tremble and, instantly going on a guilt trip, Hitsugaya turned left. This went on for quite awhile until finally another soul reaper showed up and slayed the Hollow for them. After that it took the pair another few hours to make it back to the Squad 10 barracks even though Toushiro knew exactly how to get back. Sadly, due to his overly active conscience, it is not surprising that after a few more weeks of this Toushiro Hitsugaya was removed from his position as Captain due to his unproductivity.

**A(s)/N: First off, I do not own Bleach or any of it's characters. Secondly, if you have any "What if..." ideas that you want me to try you are more than welcome to post them. Thanks and don't forget to REVIEW!! **


	3. Lost a Game of Poker

_What if Hitsugaya lost a game of poker? _

"You want me to do what!?" cried Hitsugaya in horror. He still had no idea why in the world he had agreed to play a game of dare poker in the first place, it had been as if he had no control over his actions. Not only that but he had no clue how he had lost so horribly when he was normally so good at such games.

"Haha, you heard us, Captain," laughed Matsumoto mischievously, "you've got to prank Captain Kuchiki."

So that brought Hitsugaya to stand in front of the Squad 11 barracks. _He _had no idea how to pull off a good prank but he did know someone who did. So, taking a deep breath and bracing himself he prepared to set aside his pride and ask for help.

"So... that's what happened," he explained wearily, "Will you help me, Yachiru?"

"Hm... okay, Toushi!" exclaimed the girl happily, "but what will I get outta it?"

"If you help me I'll give you candy, lots of it," Hitsugaya offered immediately, knowing she wouldn't be able to resist the offer. Besides, it wouldn't be any cost out of his pocket, not with all of the candy that Captain Ukitake always gave him.

"Yay!!" cheered Yachiru energetically, "So here's what we'll do..."

The next day, as Byakuya walked into the Captain's meeting, nobody said anything, especially not the stone-faced child prodigy Captain who was refusing to look up from the floor. The entire Soul Society was in a state of shock, all except Rangiku, Ikkaku, and Yumichika who were too busy laughing hysterically that they had gotten the young Captain to pull off a such an impossible task.

"I can't believe he actually did it!" gasped Matsumoto between laughter.

"Yeah," snickered Ikkaku, "but he'll kill us if he finds out we cheated to win that game..."

Elsewhere, Hitsugaya huddled in the corner of his office, slowly falling into a deep depression of shame and mortification.

And as for Byakuya... the entire Soul Society was left to wonder what had possessed the Captain to dye his hair a permanent bright pink. However, since his pride would not allow him to admit to being bested by a childish prank, Byakuya left the society to believe it was his decision and that _nobody _had better question his motives. This isn't to say, however, that Byakuya was not investigating the incident and planning his unspeakable revenge.

Luckily, because Toushiro was known to be such a serious and well-respected Captain, Byakuya's suspicons never did fall upon him, although he swore never to play another game of poker again...

**A(s)/N: First off, I do not own Bleach or any of it's characters. Secondly, if you have any "What if..." ideas that you want me to try you are more than welcome to post them. Thanks and don't forget to REVIEW!!'**

**Special Thanks to Slothy Girl for the idea of Hitsugaya playing a prank with Yachiru. **


	4. In a Magazine

_What if Hitsugaya was in a 'magazine?'_

* * *

He had just returned from a mission and yet he could already tell that somethingwaswrong. Since the moment he had entered the Soul Society he had been getting _looks._

Guys had been laughingat him or givinghim dirty looks. However, the girls were much, much worse. They kept... giggling, blushing, squeeing, staring, swooning, fainting, and even at times trying tosteal his clothes. To be honest, it was getting annoying.

So when Hitsugaya ran into a pair of girls reading a magazine he wasn't too surprised that when they saw him they both squealed, blushed, and ran away, although... not before they had done a double-take into the magazine in their hands. Luckily for Hitsugaya, in their excitement they had dropped the magazine and so he picked it up to see what they were looking at and...

"MATSUMOTO!!"

-Elsewhere-

Just as Matsumoto was finishing Photoshop-ing another picture she sensed the murderous aura that was quickly approaching the Squad 10 barracks.

"Uh-oh," laughed Matsumoto, quickly sending the finished photo in, "I guess the Captain just found out about his new profession."

**

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****A(s)/N: First off, I do not own Bleach or any of it's characters. Secondly, if you have any "What if..." ideas that you want me to try you are more than welcome to post them. Thanks and don't forget to REVIEW!!**

**Special Thanks to swordie for the idea of Hitsugaya being a playboy (although a friend told me today that he would actually have to be a playgirl... hmm...).**


	5. Had a Growth Spurt

_What if Hitsugaya got a growth spurt? _**(Because it seems to be the question of everyones, including myself, mind)**

When Toushiro woke up he felt... different. It wasn't until he stood up that he realized that the ground seemed farther away than usual... COULD IT BE?

With a start Hitsugaya ran over to his emergency tape measure mounted on the wall (put there on the off chance he would one day get taller) to check his height. Sure enough, he now stood just under 5' 10".

Elated by this discovery, Hitsugaya hurried to get dressed so that he could rub his new height in the faces of all who had ever called him short. Unfortunately... clothing do not grow and there stood Hitsugaya in front of his mirror looking like he was preparing for a flood. But no! He would not let this ruin such a momentous occasion and so he walked out of his room into the hallway and...

"Haha," laughed Matsumoto, "What happened, Captain? Did your clothes shrink in the wash? You look like you're preparing for a flo-"

At that point Matsumoto fainted from shock, right after she realized that her small Captain had gotten taller. Hitsugaya laughed softly to himself, that put a stop to her jokes.

And Matsumoto wasn't the only one to have such a drastic reaction. Ukitake didn't offer him any candy for once, Momo actually called him Captain Hitsugaya instead of Toushiro, Zaraki chased him around for half the day trying to convince Hitsugaya to fight him to the death, Captain Kuchiki actually gave him a small nod of respect when they passed each other, and all of this made him very... sad.

Secretly, Hitsugaya enjoyed all of the free candy (he ate it sometimes but it was also useful for dealing with Yachiru), he never really did mind Momo not calling him Captain (they were friends after all, so the formality made him feel distant), his shortness had always work as short of a natural defense against Zaraki's attention, and... well actually, nothing had really changed with Captain Kuchiki. But now everyone else seemed... afraid of him.

Well except for... the fangirls.

Previously, Toushiro used to be able to duck behind objects or disappear into large crowds in order to escape the pursuit of his fangirls. Now, however, he was too tall to hide behind any of his old objects and his white hair combined with his height made him stick out horribly in crowds. There was no way to hide anymore.

And then suddenly...

There was a giant godzilla-sized Yachiru looming over him!

"GIVE ME CANDY!!" she boomed.

"I don't have any!" yelled Hitsugaya in terror. Why! Oh why couldn't Ukitake have given him candy today!

"THEN I'LL SQUISH YOU!!" she said angrily, her giant foot coming down on his head...

"NO!" cried Toushiro, bolting up in his bed. He glanced around in panic before sighing in relief, it was just a dream.

He stood up, still trying to calm his racing heart.

"On second thought," wondered Hitsugaya aloud, "maybe being short isn't so bad..."

Besides, he did NOT have a tape measure on his wall... it was in his drawer.

**A(s)/N: First off, I do not own Bleach or any of it's characters. Secondly, if you have any "What if..." ideas that you want me to try you are more than welcome to post them. Thanks and don't forget to REVIEW!! **

**Special thanks to Untamed Dragon for the perfect wording of the question. Also thanks to Yukimori too because I wasn't sure how to write this one until I saw that I wasn't the only one wondering that, lol.**


	6. Locked in a Closet

_What if Hitsugaya got locked in a closet?_

* * *

Hitsugaya sighed. It would be another long night of work since Matsumoto was already passed out from drinking on his couch, showing no signs of waking (or sobering) up anytime soon. Though, even for a Captain, Hitsugaya had an unbelievable amount of work passed onto him. But procrastinating never accomplished anything and so he got right to work... only to run out of staples semi-instantly.

And so this led to Toushiro leaving his office to venture to the supply closet in a nearby hallway. Unfortunately, somebody had left the barracks doorway open and so right as he entered the closet a large gust of wind blew the door shut. Hitsugaya, unbothered by this, quickly searched the shelves for his staples before finding them and turning to leave... that is until he tried the door handle. It was locked.

For a few seconds Captain Hitsugaya stood there in shock. Why in the world was there such an illogical door in _his_barracks!? Seriously, locks were supposed to be designed to keep people out of rooms not in them (unless it was a prison... which a closet was most definitely not)! So now the young Captain stood there with the small dilemma to ponder on.

He could yell for help he supposed. However, there was no way that Matsumoto would hear him in her unconscious state and with it being so late at night his other subordinates would either be asleep in their own quarters or out on patrol (who wouldn't be returning until early morning). Not only that but yelling for help because he was trapped in a closet seemed... unbearably embarrassing.

With a sigh, Hitsugaya turned to inspect his surrounding. There was office supplies, some more office supplies, even more office supplies, and a mop. In other words, there was absolutely nothing useful. So, with another quick try of the handle (on the off chance that the door was simply stuck), Hitsugaya finally resigned himself to the fact that he would probably be stuck there for quite awhile.

The next morning Matsumoto woke up with a terrible hangover, although not terrible enough that she didn't notice the absence of her Captain. However, to the misfortune of him, she simply assumed that he, for once, decide to get some sleep instead of slaving himself sick in front of his desk all night. So in complete unconcern, Matsumoto wandered off in search of food and some sort of cure for her horrible, hangover-induced headache.

It wasn't until Hitsugaya was unexplainably missing from a Captain's meeting the next day that concerns began to arise. Toushiro Hitsugaya _never_missed a Captain's meeting, it didn't even matter if he was on his death bed. And so the entire Soul Society went into a frenzy and after a long discussion it was decided that Captain Hitsugaya must have been kidnapped by some terrorist organization.

So when the printers that were printing the "Have You Seen This Captain?" posters ran out of paper one of the Squad 10 member ran to the supply closet to get more paper... and instead found one extremely anger (and hunger) Captain Hitsugaya! Later that day, after a believable excuse had been made as to the Captain's whereabouts (_Nobody_was to tell what really happened on pain of a icy death), the entire Soul Society finally began to wind down and go back to normal, believing that their beloved child prodigy Captain had barely been saved from the hands of a terrible anti-whited-haired-children organization.

"So..." Matsumoto asked, walking down the hall with her captain, "why didn't you just break the door down with your kido instead of just sitting there?"

"Hmph!" responded Hitsugaya in irritation, "Then I would of had to get the door replaced and with your drinking habits our Squad doesn't have that kind of extra money to throw around!"

And with that Hitsugaya stormed off angrily to his room, all the while wondering 'why HADN'T he thought of that...?'

**A(s)/N: First off, I do not own Bleach or any of it's characters. Secondly, if you have any "What if..." ideas that you want me to try you are more than welcome to post them. Thanks and don't forget to REVIEW!! **

**Special thanks to Slothy Girl for the idea. This ended up being a really long one, which actually surprised me... Anyway, this was a hard one to put together in a short story because Toushiro really does seem to be the kind of character who just sit there with that kind of patience. Well, maybe not for that long but I just can't for the life of me picture him breaking down a door... or yelling for help. Lol, poor Hitsugaya!**


	7. Goes Bald

_What if Hitsugaya went bald?_

* * *

It was early morning when Hitsugaya awoke. With a yawn he ran his fingers through his hair... or rather he would have had there been anything there. Things happened pretty fast after that. A scream, a horrified look in the mirror, another scream, and then a mad dash to Matsumoto.

Upon reaching Matsumoto, Hitsugaya flung himself into her arms and begun to sob hysterically. Matsumoto, however, simply stood there in shock, unsure whether she should burst into laughter or start crying with him. After all, it was a pretty scary sight. So to simplify things she just fainted instead.

It took a few days for Toushiro to get over his trauma before he would let anyone else see him. After that, Nanao did some research on what must have happened (an explanation so long and complex it even lost Hitsugaya) and it was decided that the effects were irreversible.

And so Hitsugaya remained blad, the short jokes stopped (but were replaced with short-bald jokes), and Ikkaku and Toushiro became best friends.

**

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****A(s)/N: First off, I do not own Bleach or any of it's characters. Secondly, if you have any "What if..." ideas that you want me to try you are more than welcome to post them. Thanks and don't forget to REVIEW!! **

**Yeah, I know this one is short but so is Hitsugaya! Lol, sorry it was the first excuse that came to mind... (**_Moo cow!!_**)**


	8. Making Friends

_What if Hitsugaya called Ichigo by his first name instead of 'Kurosaki?'_

* * *

As Hitsugaya sat in his office on a beautiful, bright, sunny day doing paperwork he came to a shocking conclusion. Alright so it wasn't so shocking but it was still quite upsetting... He had no friends.

"Well that's... depressing," mused the Captain upon realizing this. And so he made the decision to make more of an effort to get to know the people he knew better.

And so the next day...

"Hey Ichigo," called Hitsugaya as he walked by Ichigo, who had just finished climbing a giant flight of stairs.

"Hey!" Ichigo replied before he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks (not literally), realizing what he had just been called and by who.

With that, Ichigo stumbled backwards in shock, clutching his heart, before finally, as a result of the stumbling, tripped backwards over the stairs he had just finished climbing. Hitsugaya watched in horror as the carrot-top rolled, tumbled, and smashed his way down the entire flight, which really was incredibly long. Toushiro stared for another moment, slightly concerned about the now twitching form that laid at the bottom. That was until the child prodigy realized he was going to be late for his Captain's meeting. And so with that he left, leaving Kurosaki behind.

'And that,' thought Hitsugaya to himself at the meeting, 'is why I don't have friends.'

* * *

Momo: Hey! Aren't I your friend? x.x  
Hitsugaya: You don't count.  
Momo: T.T Why not?!  
Hitsugaya: ... You just don't.  
Momo: ToT W-Wh-Whhhhyyyy?!  
Hitsugaya: Because... You're more like family.  
Momo: (running away crying) YOU JERK!  
Hitsugaya: What's her problem?  
Matsumoto: (magically appearing) Haha! (points at him) You're so naive.  
Hitsugaya: (walking away) Tch! Whatever...

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**A(s)/N: By now we all know that I don't own Bleach or any of it's characters (cries in corner for a minute). You're all still welcome to offer ideas... However, I feel the need to point out that I am 100 percent romance inept. Therefore, if you want something written about romance you'll have to request it from my Twin, Rajani** **(**_MeMeMe!!_**)**. **She writes a lot of romance and I write the humor stories.** **(**_I WILL NOT however write what if's. They are my Twins thing... and I won't take it from her._**)**

**Special Thanks to RingoNeko 201 for the idea. It took me awhile to come up with a funny idea for this one but I think I like how it turned out.**

**Also... I want to send another special thanks out to Atemu'sLotus for reviewing every chapter for me. It's readers like you (and Twilight's Blade, Slothy Girl, and all the others) who keep me writing these and trying to update often. So thanks to all of you!**


	9. Gets Drunk

_What if Hitsugaya got drunk?_

* * *

'This was supposed to have been funny,' Matsumoto thought gloomily to herself. She had to admit that it had been entertaining to begin with but after about twenty minutes her Captain's outbursts had become extremely... annoying.

"OH MY GOD!!" cried Hitsugaya in shock a little ways away, pointing at some random shinigami, "... YOU HAVE A FACE!"

'Here we go again..." thought the Vice-capitan wearily.

"AND A HANDS!! AND FEET!! AND..." continued the young Captain in amazement, "WHOA!! YOU CAN MOVE!!"

When Rangiku and a few members from Squads 8 and 10 decided that they wanted to know what the frost-Captain was like when he was drunk they were not expecting this. They had gone to long lengths of trouble trying to find the highest proofed alcohol that existed (which they were eventually able to get their hands on) and then even more cautious lengths to get the little captain to drink it without realizing that it wasn't his tea. Fortunately for them, just a small sip had gotten Toushiro tipsy and after that it was all they could do to keep him from downing the entire bottle. She had to admit... she had never expected her Captain to find such amusement at pointing out the completely obvious when he was drunk.

"U-U-Um..." stuttered the shinigami who had drawn the child prodigy's attention, "I think that everybody can do that..."

Hitsugaya simply stared at the man with disbelief before suddenly disappearing from the spot, courtesy of flash stepping. Matsumoto stared at the now empty spot in the room in mild horror... he was _so_ going to kill her when he sobered up.

Elsewhere... Hitsugaya came to a halt in front of yet another shinigami, watching him with complete fascination.

"WOW!!," Hitsugaya exclaimed suddenly, "He was right!"

"Captain Hitsugaya," inquired Byakuya with disapproval, "are you _drunk?_"

"YOU CAN TALK TOO?!" was the young Captain's response...

The next morning the entire Seireitei was startled awake to a sudden...

"MATSUMOTO!!"

Matsumoto, however, had decided the night before to go on a nice, long, vacation to a secluded, unknown location.

**

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****A(s)/N: Like always I don't own Bleach or any of it's characters... But anyway, keep the R&Ring and like always, if you have any "What If.." ideas you're welcome to offer them.**

**Oh! And thanks to all of the reviewers who asked "What if he got drunk?" That one was on my list too but I was a.) just being lazy/avoiding it and b.) I finally just got the inspiration I need to write it. So I hope all of you liked it!! **


	10. Overly Sensitive

_What if Hitsugaya was overly sensitive?_

* * *

"Why did they let a kid become a captain?" murmured a shinigami to his companion as they passed by.

Hitsugaya twitch in annoyance at hearing such insolence from the new recruits to the Thirteen Court Guard Squads.

"I... am... _not..._ a... kid," he growled under his breath, barely loud enough for his Lieutenant to hear.

Matsumoto simply turned her head away to hide her amused grin, not wanting to anger her Captain more.

"Who knows," replied the other, not noticing said Capitan's twitch, "but he really is short..."

'So much for avoiding _that_,' thought Matsumoto with a mental wince.

The young Capitan spun around angrily on the pair, his icy aura flaring around him.

"I AM _NOT_ SHORT!!" he yelled furiously, reaching up to draw his blade.

The two men cried out in terror as they turned around to run, tripping over their own feet and landing square on their faces before finally stumbling into a run. They wouldn't have gotten very far had Matsumoto not grabbed her Captain to prevent him from making chase. It took a few minutes for her to finally get him to calm down, allowing the icy terrain that had formed around them to melt away.

"Whatever," muttered Hitsugaya, turning to walk away, "They weren't worth my time anyway!"

However, before they could even begin to continue on their way Hitsugaya noticed something strange. Bothered, he turned to his Lieutenant for an explanation.

"Why did all of the grass turn brown," he asked curiously, "It was green just a few moments ago."

"Well..." Matsumoto began, unsure of how her Captain was going to react, "It died."

Hitsugaya stared at her for a moment before finally asking, "Why?"

"Um, well you see," she explained, knowing the result wasn't going to be good, "Your ice froze it and grass can't survive such rapid climate changes... so it died."

"Y-y-you m-mean..." stuttered Hitsugaya in horror, "That I _killed _it?"

With that Hitsugaya burst into tears, sobbing hysterically. It took Matsumoto a few hours to get him to stop his crying and by that time he had decided that it was all those two shinigami's fault and swore his revenge, flash stepping away before Matsumoto could stop him.

'I,' thought Matsumoto warily to herself, 'am never telling the truth again...'

**

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****A(s)/N: In a perfect world I would own Bleach... Unfortunately, this world is far from perfect and so I own neither Bleach nor it's characters. On a different not, you're all still welcome to offer any funny "What If" ideas you may have. So keep reading and I hope you all REVIEW!!**

**My friend and I were joking around and thought it would be funny if Hitsugaya started crying because his frost killed some grass, thus leading to the idea of him being overly sensitive. Making up an actually plot to go with it was really... tricky but I guess it came out alright. Tell me what you guys think 'cause I'm not sure if I really like this one. Thanks!**


	11. In The Real World: Part 1

_Part 1 of the Real World series:_

_What if Hitsugaya got sent to the real world?_

* * *

'This isn't good...' thought Hitsugaya bitterly to himself.

How in the world such a weak hollow was able to pull off such a powerful... whatever it was completely surpassed Toushiro's comprehension. All he knew was that he definitely wasn't in the Seireitei anymore. Well, that and... everybody could see him. But that's not _so_ bad, right? Wrong.

'Where the hell am I, anyway?!' Hitsugaya thought irritably, 'And all these people had better stop staring at me unless they don't mind losing a few limbs from frostbite!'

Unfortunately for him, these people were not about to stop staring anytime soon. It's not that often that you see an elementary student running around in some weird costume with a seemingly fake sword on his back _and _snowy white hair. Not very often at all, even for being in the middle of such a large city. Luckily for Hitsugaya, kido had always been something that he excelled in (along with everything else he tried) and so forming an illusion around himself to make his clothing look more natural wasn't much of a challenge. However, these _people_ could just get over their problems with his hair because he was _not_ changing it for them!

"Hmph, this is just ridiculous," muttered the Captain to himself, beginning to walk down the street.

Fortunately for him, this world was a lot like the human world, only... different feeling. Hitsugaya had just reached a crosswalk on a busy road when he saw her. She seemed to be having a hard time figuring out how to cross the road, being so old and frail, and so guilt quickly rushed at Toushiro, causing him to go over to help.

"Oh d-dear," the old lady mused, "How am I e-ever going to cross this road..."

"Excuse me, ma'am," inquired the small Captain, "but did you need some help?"

The old lady stared at him for a moment, her face completely unreadable. After she stared at him for a while, Toushiro began to wonder if maybe she just had really bad eyesight and was trying to see who he was. But that thought was quickly proved wrong...

"AHHHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME!!" she suddenly scream, "HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! I'M BEING MUGGED!!"

"W-wha??" yelped Hitsugaya in shock, completely startled and taken back.

By this point everyone on the street had stopped to stare at then, mainly looking suspiciously at the small white haired boy who looked to be part of some gang. Before anybody could react to the old lady's cries, she herself reacted. THWACK! Hitsugaya stumbled back, courtesy of the heavy and ridiculously large purse he had just recieve to the face.

"S-stop! I was just trying t-" attempted Hitsugaya to explain, unfortunately for him his explanation had come to late and the old lady had already initiated phase two of her defense.

"TAKE THIS, YOU THIEF!!" she yelled, spraying the pepper spray right into the young Captain's eyes.

"AHHHHH!!" cried Hitsugaya in pain, clutching his eyes and staggering backwards into the oncoming traffic.

Had it not been for his sharp six sense he would not have realized a car was about to hit him. Milliseconds before the impact, as the car screeched it's brakes Hitsugaya flash stepped, running semi-blindly through the city until he finally came to a stop in a park. Flushing his burning eyes out in a water fountain he found the pain had slightly eased up and was now for the most part bearable.

'What just happened?' wondered the child prodigy in disbelief and shock...

Somehow, all of his years and training as a Captain had not been able to prepared him for _that_. Why hadn't anybody every warned him that the elderly could be so dangerous?!

**

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****A(s)/N: I do not own Bleach or any of it's characters, just these story plots which is okay I guess... **

**Anyway you're all still welcome to offer What Ifs although I'm now starting my Real World series that I've been wanting to do for awhile. So if you guys have any funny ideas about thing that might happen to our favorite little Captain in the real world then let me know. I already have the basic idea of the stories I'm going to make for this series but I might add some things if I like them!**

**Also... A really big thanks to Slothy Girl for the amazing idea of Toushiro getting attacked by an old lady. When I saw it right next to your idea of going to the real world (which was on my list but lacking inspiration) I suddenly knew exactly what I wanted to do with it. I was going to name the What If of the chapter after that but I thought I'd be funny as a surprise. Lol so anyway, thank you lots and lots! **

**Oh and I also am trying to make the chapters longer just for you Twilight's Blade so I hope it's a bit better. But since this is also going to have multiple parts I couldn't make it too long... :)**


	12. Convention Time: Part 2

_At the convention..._

In the park where Hitsugaya had ended up after the 'old lady incident' he sat pondering the situation some more on a bench. Still annoyed, he had decided to drop his illusion so that he could think without being distracted. It didn't really matter that much since the park was nearly empty and he had, by this point, gotten used to weird looks for his hair anyway. If they were going to stare at him, he was _really _going to give them something to stare about. Unfortunately, not everybody thought it was weird...

"Oh wow!" cried a girl, dressed very _oddly _and running up to him, "Your cosplay costume is amazing!!"

"Dude! It seriously is!!" agreed a boy, coming up behind her and dressed in strange clothes as well although they were very different from the girls.

'Did he just say _cosplay...'_thought Hitsugaya with worry, 'isn't that what Matsumoto is always trying to get me to do?!'

The young Capitan decided that he didn't know enough about the situation to react and so he settled with simply glaring at them instead. However, his plan seem to backfire since this seemed to just impress them even more.

"Haha! You really have the character down," praised the girl, still admiring his clothes.

"Yeah," approved the boy ('Did he agree with this girl on everything?' wondered Hitsugaya), "You look just like Toushiro Hitsugaya from Bleach."

Now _that _gave the Captain a start. He jumped to his feet in defense and drew up his aura, giving them one of his coldest glares (one of the ones he usually saved for Matsumoto when she did something unbelievably dumb... like telling Yachiru there was some weird place called Candy Mountain hidden in the Squad Ten barracks somewhere. It took him months to get the pink-haired menace to stop lurking around his barracks and attacking his men trying to get them to tell her it's location.)

"How do you know who I am?" he demanded angrily, still not letting up the glare.

Strangely, this didn't intimidate the pair like it was intended to. Instead they became even more impressed and started talking about how amazing he was at stay in character, although they were confused as to why he was doing so before he even reached the convention. They discussed this for awhile, seemingly forgetting that the Captain was still there, before finally deciding that he must be a very, _very_serious cosplayer. It was safe to say that Toushiro was extremely confused...

"We're so sorry, _Captain Hitsugaya_," began the girl, smirking, "We didn't mean to be disrespectful. It's just that you're _so_ famous..."

"Yeah," nodded the boy, "Sorry to upset you like that. So were on your way to the convention right? Did you not know where it is? I know that the _human world_ must be very confusing for you so we'll show you where it is!"

And with that, before Toushiro could even figure out what was going on (much less object), the duo grabbed his arms and dragged him off at a trot. The small Captain never stood a chance.

-At a nearby location a little while later-

Hitsugaya stood in the middle of the crowded auditorium, completely lost and trying to figure out where those two kids had gone. Unfortunately, everybody seemed to blend together and so between that and the large crowd that had surrounded him to admire how much he looked like himself he had no idea where they went.

"...He's so short, too!" crooned one of the admirers, causing Hitsugaya to twitch.

"I AM NOT SHORT!" he yelled angrily, breaking free of the group to storm off.

Distracted by his anger, he ran into someone in his rush to escape.

"Oh, sorr-!!" was all the Captain got out.

Standing in front of him was another him... only taller and with really bad acne. It took the little Capitan a few seconds to register the horror of this and when he did...

"AHHHHHHHH!!" scream the Capitan in terror, his eyes burning as if he had been pepper sprayed again. But he didn't get very far before... CRASH!!

"Owww..." muttered Hitsugaya in pain, due to the sudden collision.

Looking up to see who he had smashed into, Hitsugaya felt a sudden wave of relief. In front of him, in the familiar black and white, was the mark of Squad Six. The lost Captain was just about to tell Byakuya how relived he was to see him when he suddenly turned around. The body inside the coat was not the Squad Six Captain. He was fat, greasy, and had yellow teeth... and that was ignoring the breath that went with it.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!" cried the white-haired Captain, jumping to his feet and making a mad dash for the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked a sudden voice from behind him as numerous people suddenly moved to block the doorway, "We haven't even done the group photo yet..."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

**A(s)/N: ****That last line by the random person was meant to be said in a very creepy voice (think Orochimaru for those of you who watch Naruto). I've never actually been to a convention so I'm sorry if I mis-portrayed them but I figured that with the luck I'm associating with our little Capitan this is the kind he would end up at. I hope you like!**

**So thanks to everyone who suggested this idea to me. There was quite a few and I'm too tired to try and look them all up... I'm soooo sorry! And wow... I've been mispelling Captain this entire time... how shameful. I'm going to go back and fix it though. Hehe, sorry! (Strange... nobody's ever pointed it out... ever.)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of it's characters. Ah... but we can dream, no? So R&R!!**

* * *


	13. Getting a Present

A/N: The Real World series is now it's own story called The What Ifs of Hitsugaya: Real World Series. It won't be in this story anymore. Thanks and so without further distraction...

_What if Hitsugaya got a present...? _**(Hehe, I'm not telling you more than that because it'll ruin the story...)**

* * *

"Lil' Shiro! Wait!" called Momo, running up to the young Captain who was just about to enter the gate to the human world.

"I thought I told you not to call me that, Bed-wetter Momo!" Hitsugaya scolded in annoyance, "I'm a Captain now and you should refer to me as one!"

"I wanted to give you your birthday present before you left!" Momo explained, completely ignoring his statement.

She was holding out a brightly colored package and was beaming happily. Sighing, Hitsugaya took the package from her and opened it. It took him a few moments to process what he was exactly he was looking at...

"Uh... it's great, Momo! Thanks," Hitsugaya said quickly, going to tuck the package inside his cloak.

"Aren't you going to put it on?" she asked, looking hopefully at him.

_Later in the Human World..._

So far everything seemed to be going okay. He had taken care of the mission quickly and had managed to avoid running into anyone that he might know. Now if he could only last a few more minutes the gate would be open and he'd be home free...

"Hey, Toushiro!" called Ichigo, noticing the Captain resting against a wall.

'Just who exactly did I anger to deserve this?' thought Hitsugaya miserably, 'This day just keeps getting worse and worse...'

"That's Captain Hitsugaya to you," the small Captain informed Ichigo coldly, "and what do you want, Kurosaki?"

"You don't have to be so rude, Toushiro," the carrot-top replied, "I just noticed that you were in the human world and thought I'd say hi... oh and... _nice scarf_."

Hitsugaya twitched in annoyance. Not only could this fool not get the hint and get his name right but now he was going to _mock_him? Had it not already been cold outside, Ichigo might have actually wondered why the air was suddenly quite a few degrees colder. Instead, he just pulled his coat tighter around himself and shivered.

'Control,' thought Hitsugaya wearily to himself, 'Control...'

"And just what, might I ask," inquired the white-haired Captain (although he was already highly aware of the problem), "is wrong with my scarf?"

Ichigo stared at him for a moment as if he had just grown a second head, not believing that the small Captain could actually need that question answered...

"It has unicorns and pineapples on it," Ichigo stated in disbelief, "that isn't exactly _normal_..."

As embarrassing as this was, Hitsugaya was not about to let a _scarf_ steal away the pride and respect he had worked so hard to get. Oh no... he was much better than that!

"I'll have you know, Kurosaki," Hitsugaya replied dryly, although still scrambling to figure out a comeback in his head, "that I just so happen to like pineapples!"

It was probably one of the worst excuses in the world... scratch that. It was most certainly the worst excuse in the world. However, Hitsugaya was not about to tell this _youth_ that he couldn't even stand up to a girl for fear of hurting her feelings. No... letting him think he was some strange pineapple lover was better (although not by much...).

Finally the gate to the Seireitei opened up in front of them. Although refusing to show it, Toushiro turned to Ichigo, anxious to be going.

"Anyway, I was only here for a mission," Hitsugaya told the teen, "and that mission is done so I'm going back to the Soul Society now. Goodbye, Kurosaki."

With that, Captain Hitsugaya jumped into the gate, flash stepping back to the Seireitei where he could finally be free of the _awful_scarf. Ichigo, however, stood staring in shock after the young Captain.

"He likes _pineapples_??"

_A week later, in the Seireitei..._

"Captain Hitsugaya!" called a voice followed by a small cough.

Hitsugaya stopped and turned to see what Ukitake could possibly want. The Captain's meeting had run on longer than usual today and he had unbelievable amounts of work waiting to be done in his office.

"What is it, Captain Ukitake?" Hitsugaya inquired, keeping his impatience out of his voice.

"Your birthday was last week and I never had a chance to get you a present!" Ukitake explained.

With he reached into his robe, pulled out a massive pineapple and handed it to a startled Hitsugaya.

"I hope you like it! Take care!" Captain Ukitake said happily as he suddenly walked away, leaving the child prodigy to stand in the middle of the hall holding a giant pineapple and wondering how in the world Ukitake had fit it in his robe in the first place.

"I'm going to kill that Kurosaki," Hitsugaya growled under his breath, making his way back to his barracks with the pineapple.

"Haha," laughed Matsumoto outside the barracks, "Nice pineapple, Captain!"

"Shut up," responded Hitsugaya coldly, not in the mood to put up with her jokes.

"Uh-oh! Captain?!" Matsumoto called in panic right as Hitsugaya kicked open the door to his office.

Too late... A landslide of all that is pineapple came flooding out of the room, washing away the Captain and his Lieutenant.

"Ow," whined Matsumoto, holding her head, "We were storing the rest of your _presents_ in there..."

'Ichigo Kurosaki,' thought Hitsugaya darkly, 'You are so dead!'

**

* * *

****A(s)/N: I don't own Bleach... or... it's character! (Starts to cry... then just as suddenly stops.)**

**I want to send a really special thanks out to Slothy Girl for the idea for this one. I burst into laughter when I read your idea of him getting a really ugly scarf and just knew that I had to do it. Me and my Twin were talking and ended up saying how funny it would be if the scarf had unicorns on it... and then another friend randomly chimed in that it should also have pineapples... thus this story!**

**So anyway! Keep R&Ring and don't forget to check out The What Ifs Of Hitsugaya: Real World Series for the rest of that line! Take care!!**


	14. The Dark Side

_What if Hitsugaya was secretly evil?_

* * *

"Caaapppttttaaaaiiiinnnnn!!" called Matsumoto, prancing into the office, "I delivered the papers like you asked!"

"Then why are you bothering me?" asked the young Captain coldly, "I'm busy."

"Aww, is the Captain grumpy?" asked Matsumoto mockingly.

"If you're done then go away," was the response she got.

"Fine..." replied his lieutenant, faking depression as she sulked out of the room.

However, after she left...

'Hehehe. Those fools will never know what hit them,' thought Hitsugaya mischievously, pulling out his blueprints.

He was just about to continue his planning when suddenly...

"OH! CAPTAIN!!" cried Matsumoto as she burst back into the room, "Captain Ukitaki told me to tell you that the Captain Meeting has been moved to noon instead of four!"

"Fine, whatever!" responded the Captain, barely hiding his plans in time, "NOW LEAVE!"

Again Matsumoto sulked away and for the second time Toushiro pulled out his plans.

'Curses!' he thought angrily, 'Now I have even less time to complete my plan and I swear if Rangiku comes in here one more time I'm going to turn her into an ice sculpture!!'

And so he swiftly worked out his plot, with Matsumoto being lucky enough not to find another reason to return, and then set off to set it up the preparations before his annoying meeting. He had developed his idea well and so, especially as a child prodigy, he easily completed the project in time. Satisfied with his day's work he turned and quickly flash stepped his way to the meeting.

'Muawahahahahaha' he laughed evilly on the inside, 'By this time tomorrow everyone in the Seireitei will nothing but cold water! Hahaha, no more hot showers or steaming baths!! Everything will be cold! Cold, cold, cold!!'

And so the entire Soul Society suffered from the dark wrath of Toushiro Hitsugaya... at least until they fixed the hot water heater.

**

* * *

****A(s)/N: I don't own Bleach or any of it's completely amazing characters... but can't I at least be in denial??**

**I don't know why but I thought I'd be funny if Toushiro was actually evil on the inside, but in a cute little kid mischief kind of way. Lol, I dunno but I guess this one is a little random. So thanks for reading and REVIEW!!**

**P.S. I'm going to be working at a camp for five weeks so I'm only going to be home on Saturdays... Sadly, that means that I won't be very likely to update more than once a week if at all in July. I'm so, so, so sorry!! But you'll forgive me right?**


	15. Leaving Children Alone

_What if Hitsugaya had a babysitter?_

* * *

"Captain!" called Matsumoto from the doorway, "I'm leaving for my mission in the human world!"

"Alright," Hitsugaya replied absently, completely focused on his paperwork.

Matsumoto was telling him something else but the young Captain had assumed that it would have been one of her pointless rambles she always went on whenever she was leaving, resulting in the fact that he had paid zero attention to whatever she was saying.

"... alright, Captain?" finished Matsumoto happily.

"Yeah, yeah," he responded, still not looking up.

"Okay then! Take care!" and with that Matsumoto left.

'Now I can get back to actually accomplishing something' thought the small Captain in relief.

And he probably would have actually accomplished something had there not suddenly been a...

"Uh-oh. Little boys shouldn't be playing important grown up stuff. Why don't we stop, okay?"

The voice was motherly, sickeningly sweet, and creepy all at once and it was easily enough to make Hitsugaya jump to his feet in surprise. As a result of this 'jumping' all of the paperwork on the desk was scattered and knocked to the ground all around the feet of the woman who was now standing in the middle of the room.

"Who the hell are you?!" demanded Toushiro angrily, his hand itching to be holding Hyorinmaru.

"Oh, now look what you did," the woman scolded in her sweet, motherly, creepy voice, "You're going to have to pick these up."

"Grr! I asked you a question! Why are you in my office?!" snapped Hitsugaya, annoyed at being ignored and chided all in one statement.

"Somebody's cranky. You need to watch your tone, young man. That is no way to talk to a grown up. Do you need a time out?" replied that awful voice.

"What!" cried the young Captain in outrage, "How dare _you_ speak to _me_ that way! I demand that you identify yourself immediately!"

"Oh my! You need to learn to watch your temper. You really should listen when grown-ups talk."

"What are you talking about?" growled the furious Captain, blood boiling.

"I'm your babysitter."

"What?!" cried Toushiro in disbelief.

"I said that I'm your babysitter." she repeated in that horrible, horrible voice.

"I heard you the first time," responded Hitsugaya sharply, "and I _do not_ need a babysitter! Now leave."

"I don't want to have to warn you about that temper again, young man. And you yourself agreed to having me here."

Hitsugaya glared at the woman for a moment, "I most certainly did not agree to anything of the sort!"

"Oh but I believe you did. If I remember right Miss Matsumoto specifically said 'I was worried about having to leave you all by yourself and so I got you a babysitter! Alright, Captain?' and your response was yes."

Captain Toushiro Hitsugaya simply stared at the woman for a few minutes before finally standing up, walking over to his 'To Do' list, adding "Find a new Lieutenant" to it, and then silently leaving the room to go in search of Matsumoto, Hyorinmaru in hand.

* * *

**A(s)/N: I don't own Bleach or any of it's character... but I did own the glass of milk I drank while writing this! Does that count?**

**So yeah... I cannot for the life of me remember if this idea was one suggested by a reviewer, an original idea of mine, or one of the ideas from my Twin... so thanks to whoever feels like being thanked today! FREE THANKS FOR EVERYONE!!**

**Anyway, I hoped you guys liked this chapter. I 'm still busy at camp but felt bad so I updated one of my stories! Aso don't forget to REVIEW and please be patient for a few more weeks until I'm done with work... Ja ne!**


	16. Rebelious Teenagers

_What if Hitsugaya hit a 'rebellious' stage?_

* * *

Hitsugaya walked quickly down the path, determined to simply get this Captains' meeting over with as soon as possible. He had _much_ better things to be doing with his time than standing around at a meeting all day. Upon reaching the meeting he quickly took his place in his spot, not bothering to look at or even greet any of the other Captains. It was safe to say that, although the young Captain had always had a slight air of indifference about him, this new attitude came as quite a shock to the other Captains.

Luckily for Hitsugaya, the meeting went by smooth enough and he was soon able to be on his way to do "_much _better things." However, outside the meeting hall he was stopped by one of the other Captains.

"Toshiro!" Ukitake greeted happily, "How are you? Do you want some candy, I'm sure I have some around here somewhere…" he trailed off, rummaging through his pockets.

"Can you get to the point, Captain Ukitake?" Hitsugaya asked coldly.

"Oh, of course! Sorry," Ukitake said sheepishly, "I was wondering if you would be willing to go to the human world on a mission. We think that it require a captain class shinigami to be completed…"

"No," Hitsugaya replied flatly, turning to walk away, "Find somebody else to do it."

With that Hitsugaya stalked off, leaving an extremely shocked and confused Ukitake in his wake. And yet the white haired Captain was still unable to get very far before yet another person distracted him from his goal.

"HAHAHA!! You! I've heard that your cold… frozen type zanpatou is real powerful" bellowed Captain Zaraki, dropping down from the roof on the nearby building he had been standing on.

"It's called frost type, as a Captain you should at least know that," Hitsugaya responded icily in irritation.

"How 'bout we have us a one on one fight to the death to see who is stronger?" Zaraki continued in excitement, ignoring Hitsugaya correction and drawing his own zanpatou.

"You aren't worth my time," came the frosty reply as Hitsugaya walked past Captain Zaraki and without even turning around called out, "Oh! And your top bell is crooked."

This served as the perfect distraction as Kenpachi began to freak out about how hard it was to even get it on in the first place, yelling about the nerve of the bell, and having his lieutenant, Yachiru, try to convince him that it was "barely even noticeable."

And so, Captain Toushiro Hitsugaya was finally able to make it back to the Squad 10 barracks…

_Elsewhere_

At the Squad 13 barracks Captains Ukitake and Kyoraku were sitting down to a drink.

"Toushiro was so mean today!" Jushiro pointed out tipsily.

"Ah, I noticed!" agreed Shunsui, "You don't think…"

The pair both gasped before thinking for a moment and then in perfect unison…

"He's turning into a teenager!!"

_Back at Squad 10_

"Ahhhh!" cried Toushiro in frustration throwing things over his shoulder while looking through what seemed to be the hundredth closet in the building, "How the hell did I lose Hyorinmaru?!

* * *

**A/N: I guess I'll just get it over with… I don't own Bleach! There I said it! Cruel, cruel world!!**

**Anyways… I'm sooooooo sorry that I took so long updating! I haven't really had any free time and college gives a ridiculous amount of work. It didn't help that I also had writer's block and haven't been able to think of any good "What Ifs" recently. So I'm not really sure how this one came out so you guys (or girls D) will have to let me know what you thought.**

**The reference to Zaraki freaking out about his hair came from one of the Shinigami Illustrated Coloring Books that are one YouTube. In it he takes like three hours just trying to get that top bell on. This is the first time I've tried writing him into a story so I don't really know if I have his character right or not… So R&R like always and if you have any good "What Ifs" let me know because I'm running out of ideas. Ja ne!!**


	17. Plotting Revenge

_What if Hitsugaya decided to get revenge for the babysitter incident?  
_

In the corner of the Squad ten Captain's office, sat Toushiro Hitsugaya… a very, very angry Toushiro Hitsugaya who was currently on a 'time out.' Apparently, having murderous intentions toward one's own Lieutenant constituted wasn't considered very good behavior.

"You're time out is over now, Toushiro," informed an extremely terrible, sweet, and evil voice.

"That's Captain Hitsugaya to you!" the 'timed-out' snapped back in anger.

"Now, now… We don't want to go back into time out do we?" inquired the demon… oh! Uh… babysitter! Yeah… that's it. Inquired the babysitter… haha…

At this the small Captain simply glared hatefully. Matsumoto would be back in just a few short hours and then… Well, actually, those hours were very likely to be very unshort.

"What did you do with my zanpakto?" asked Hitsugaya, struggling to keep his voice neutral.

"You mean your toy?" came the sickening response, "You'll get it back during play time… right now it's nap time."

Captain Hitsugaya simply stared in disbelief. He did _not_ take naps. And yet, strangely, it was on this day that Hitsugaya _did_ take a nap. He'd get Matsumoto for this…

A few days later…

"Captain!" called Matsumoto from where she was lounging on the couch, "You aren't still mad about the other day are you? It was only a joke…"

"Of course I'm not mad," replied the ice Captain flatly, just returning from getting a cup of tea.

With that said he walked over to Matsumoto and handed her the second tea cup that he had been carrying.

"Captain brought me tea?!?" gushed Matsumoto happily, sitting up and taking a sip. However, something did feel quite… _right_…

"Ha!" cried Hitsugaya gleefully, "It worked!"

Now sitting on the couch was a twelve-year-old Rangiku Matsumoto. Hitsugaya had been doubtful of Mayuri Kurotsuchi's claim to the title of Captain but now he was highly impressed. The man was simply a genius! He would have to thank him later for making him such an effective potion!

"Now whose the one that needs a babysitter!?!" exclaimed Hitsugaya triumphantly, pointing his finger in Rangiku's face and waiting to see her admit defeat. What he wasn't expecting was what happened next.

Rangiku Matsumoto burst into tears and started to cry hysterically.

"Toushiro you big meanie!" She sobbed, jumping up and running out of the room.

"Um… uh… Matsumoto wait!" stuttered Hitsugaya, chasing after her, "I'm so so sorry!"

'That stupid scientist had better have a way to fix this,' thought Hitsugaya angrily, 'How dare _he_ make Matsumoto cry!"

**A/N: Yay! Yet another What If done and this time it was a part two (due to the request of a handful of my dear reviewers). I think that I like how this one turned out. I personally think that Hitsugaya would be immature about getting his revenge and would totally blame Captain Kurotsuchi for the event… haha, I think it's cute! Oh… hehe, sorry! Enough about **_**my**_** thoughts. Thank you for reading and don't forget to review…. Ja ne!!!!**

**Disclaimer: Hm… I know that I'm supposed to write something here but what could it be? It could possibly be that I don't own Bleach, right? Haha, of course not! (But seriously, I don't own Bleach…T.T)**


	18. Captain Matsumoto

_What if Matsumoto was the Captain of Squad 10?_

Lieutenant Toushiro Hitsugaya stalked angrily down the hall of the Squad 10 barracks. Waiting back in the office was a mountain of paper that a _certain _Captain was supposed to be doing right now. Where was that lazy, drunkard of a Captain of his anyways?!? Turning a corner, Hitsugaya finally caught a glimpse of a white haori quickly disappearing at the end of the hall. With a frustrated growl, Lieutenant Hitsugaya used shunpo, cutting Captain Matsumoto off before she could complete her escape.

"Lieutenant," laughed the Captain nervously, "Done with the paperwork?"

"NO!" exploded Hitsugaya in fury, "Do you have any idea how long I've been work?! Just what have YOU been doing all day, Captain?!?"

"Well…" Matsumoto mused cheerfully, "Last night I went out drinking with some of the others and so when I work up this morning I had a really bad hangover! So I decided to sleep in so that it would go away. After that, I had to go to a Captain's meeting which took _soooooo_ long and was really boring! And then I came back and took a nap!"

Hitsugaya stared at that Captain in disbelief.

"So you've done practically nothing," he stated calmly.

"But I knew you would take care of everything so it's okay!" Matsumoto explained with a smile.

"I see," replied the small Lieutenant, "Well now that you're free you can finish your own paperwork."

With that the white haired prodigy proceeded to drag his Captain to her office, ignoring her multitude of excuses and wail the entire way. So a few minutes later, Captain Matsumoto sat at her desk, grudgingly working on the paperwork with her Lieutenant standing guard duty.

"Um… excuse me," called a Squad 10 recruit from the doorway, "There are some problems down at the training field."

"Right," Lieutenant Hitsugaya replied with a sigh, "I'll look into it."

With that, and an icy glare toward his Captain, he took his leave to straighten out the issues. Unfortunately, upon his return he found an empty chair behind the desk.

"Not again!" he cried in frustration, running out the door.

This time, however, it seemed that the Captain had escaped the Squad 10 barracks and so Hitsugaya ended up setting out to search the Seireitei. After a few minutes he ended up running into another, very annoyed, Lieutenant.

"Lieutenant Hitsugaya," Nanao Ise greeted, pushing up her glasses, "I don't suppose you have seem my Captain."

"I haven't," replied Hitsugaya, "I take it you haven't seen mine."

"That is correct," Nanao replied.

The two Lieutenants considered the situation for a moment. It wasn't a very hard situation to figure out and the two _were_ both exceptionally intelligent. Wherever one of their Captains was, the other couldn't be far away… and they were both most certainly drinking.

This sort of event began to become excessively common and after awhile the rest of the Soul Society began forgetting who was in Squad 8 and who belonged to Squad 10… the similarities were most definitely striking.

**A/N: This was one of my original ideas that I finally got around to writing. Also, I apologize for the lack of updates. My inspiration well has been running dry and I haven't been receiving as many reviews as I used to for this series. With this combination I'm starting to feel that the quality of my oneshots must be dropping and so I'm considering making the next chapter the last one for this series. But like always, R&R!**

**And also like always… I don't own Bleach or any of its characters... Haha, now Tite Kubo can't sue me!**


	19. In loving memory

IN HONOR OF BILLY MAYES

_What if Hitsugaya met Billy Mayes?_

This certainly wasn't what Toushiro Hitsugaya had expected when he was sent on a mission to personally escort an important soul to the Soul Society. At the very least, SOMEBODY could have told him who this person was, or at least what he did for a living. Instead, the young Captain simply stood there baffled and completely stunned.

"Just add some Oxi Clean to your wash and you'll notice instantly how it lightens and brightens this white coat of yours!"

"Wait!" Hitsugaya cried in frustration, "How in the world did you get my haori and what are you doing to it!?!"

"But that isn't all! Oxi Clean will also get out jelly, chocolate, and even mustard stains leaving your clothing whiter than ever before!"

Captain Hitsugaya cried out in horror as his precious Captain's haori suddenly being smear in all sorts of disgusting and repulsive substances that would certainly leave stains. How was he ever going to face the other Captains at the meeting later with his haori looking like _that_?!? Unfortunately, before the small Captain could even formulate another thought Billy Mayes threw the robe into a conveniently located bowl of water mixed with Oxi Clean, swished it around, and then pulled it back out with a shake.

"What the…" exclaimed Hitsugaya in shock and confusion.

Amazingly though, the stains were gone… and the haori was even completely dry. Strange. Hitsugaya didn't have much time to ponder this obscurity, however, as he quickly noticed that the info commercialist was about to go on another escapade.

"Alright well we have to go now," Toushiro quickly explain, pulling his haori back on and quickly sending Billy Mayes to the Soul Society.

_Later that day, right before the Captain's meeting…_

"Captain Hitsugaya," called a random shinigami passing by, "Your haori is looking especially white today!"

The snowy-haired Captain just nodded in response. Inwardly, Hitsugaya decided that when he returned to the office he was going to send Matsumoto to get some of the Oxi-wash or whatever it was called.

* * *

**A/N: Disclaimer: Bleach, Billy Mayes, and Oxi Clean do not belong to me… I COULD go buy some Oxi Clean and THEN it would belong to me. However, since I do not currently own any, I suppose I can't claim much of anything in this story. How sad…**

**But in other news…. I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO UPDATE!!! I've been having a really difficult time trying to write these but I'm going to start try to force myself to do one occasionally. My next task is a new chapter of my Real World series so hopefully I'll get some inspiration for that. So thanks for reading and remember to review!**


	20. Makes you wonder

_What if Hitsugaya went down the rabbit hole?_

The hollow he had followed down the hole had seemingly disappeared. Perhaps it had gone through that door… the really small, tiny door that probably didn't even actually constitute as a door. However, the door was not what had the young Captain's interest at the moment. Instead he stood, inspecting what was so innocently sitting on the table.

A bottle… with a tag attached that said 'Drink Me'

Hitsugaya stared at the bottle for a few more moment, dumbfound. 'Really…' he thought in annoyance, 'Who in their right mind would be crazy enough to drink the contents of a bottle that simple read 'Drink Me?' Of all the hollow tricks he had experienced in his time as a Soul Reaper, he had never found one this ridiculous.

"Drink me," he scoffed, as he climbed back out of the rabbit hole, "Like anyone would be _that_ stupid…"

Somebody else could deal with that hollow, he was done…

~Later that day~

Ichigo stood in front of the table and glanced at the tag on the bottle.

"Alright!" he exclaimed, popping the top off and preparing to drink the contents, "I'm going to get that hollow!"

* * *

**A/N: So… yeah. I figure the only one in the Bleach Arc reckless enough to drink a mysterious bottle just because it told you too would be Ichigo… (or maybe Renji… he might too). But it's probably a good thing that Hitsugaya didn't; he's already short enough as it is! –dies-**

**Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters, and the concept of a bottle saying 'Drink Me' are not mine….**

**But on another note, this is certainly not one of my best works and I apologize for that. However, I've recently realized that I probably won't ever really get back into writing these (I haven't really been keeping up with Bleach all that well, I've missed over an entire arc…) so I'm going to make this story as complete and consider it done. I want to thank everybody who has read these, reviewed, or even just silently enjoyed ^-^ It's been fun and so I decided that you at least deserved one last What If before I closed it down. Also, I plan on over the next few days wrapping up the Real World series and concluding that so it would not remain incomplete so keep an eye out. **


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